AVOIDING HARS DISCIPLINE

 Four things parents must ALWAYS do:

  1. Never use physical punishment.
  2. Don't be verbally abusive.
  3. Controlling your anger.
  4. The right way to punish.
                                            Spanking does NOT improve behavior



    Excessive aggression leads to children being more likely to be rejected by their classmates, getting in trouble at school, and developing early conduct problems. This is a recipe for disaster for your child academically. They become antisocial, delinquent, and underperform academically. Spanking your child will increase the likelihood of your child developing these problems. 


DON'T BE VERBALLY ABUSIVE



    Just like physical punishment, speaking to your child in an excessively angry or cruel way has side effects that over time will adversely affect his development. Children who have been verbally abused have more psychological problems than those who were not. Parents that insult or are demeaning are at heightened risk for poor self-esteem and clinical depression.

Do not Name Call
Do not Humiliate

DO, however, remain calm. 

    

    Your success as a parent depends on how much your child believes that you have their best interest at heart. If you speak negatively to them, they will not believe you. They will not have a positive emotional relationship with you. If your child does not care what you say to them, they will not listen to you or believe what you say.

    Children are drawn to the tone of your voice rather than to your words. If you are speaking angrily, they will only hear your tone and not the words you are saying. 

    If you are disciplining misbehavior, you want to focus on the message, not the way it is being delivered. Just remember a good way to avoid harsh verbal discipline is to focus on your remarks on your child's behavior rather than on your child. 



CONTROL YOUR ANGER



    Please remember to NEVER discipline your child when you are angry. It only increases the chance that you will be excessively harsh physically or verbally. 

 IT IS OK TO WALK AWAY WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY. 

  • Take a break, take a deep breath, count to three, tell your child in a firm but measured tone that you are furious, then wait until you are calm to talk about what the situation is. 

  • If the child is older than seven, tell them that you are mad and can't discuss it at the moment, but that you are going to talk about this later.  Make sure you actually come back to discuss it with them later. 

  • If you avoid screaming and yelling at your children, their behavior will improve right with yours. 


THE RIGHT WAY TO PUNISH

    


   Remember, what makes punishment effective, it needs to be unpleasant, consistent, and swiftly administered. It should not be harsh. Effective punishment should include the following five elements in this order:

  • An identification of the specific act that was wrong

  • A statement describing the impact of the misbehavior

  • A suggestion for one or more alternatives to the undesirable behavior

  • A clear statement of what the punishment is going to be

  • A statement of your expectation that your child will do better next time


For more information on effective parenting, read  Laurence Steinberg's "The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting. It can be found at amazon.... https://a.co/d/4X0Z9bQ



    

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